Happy April readers!
In the last month, I've been job searching, writing, occasionally picking up a book to read a little, trying to enjoy the sunshine moments outside, teaching spin classes, trying to find some joy in my current job each day, and the list goes on and on and on. The best way to describe me in the last month: on the GO.
I've been busy to say the least. When I started this blog, I was so excited to share my experiences, the good, the bad, the ugly. And while I adore sharing those experiences here, every time I write, it feels vulnerable. There are always several moments when I'm writing that I stop and think, "What if _____ reads this?" or "Is that okay to say?". Today's piece is vulnerable. I'm not happy about the slump that I've been in, but this is a real and raw feeling that I want to share. The slump that no one talks about.
Social media tends to make us feel like everyone has their life together. If you scroll through my Instagram account, you'll probably think I have my life together, that I'm happy-go-lucky 24/7. Obviously, I'm never going to post a picture of myself after a therapy session or after a shower cry (highly recommend if you haven't had a good one in awhile, get in there). Recently, I've been in a life slump. A slump that has made me feel small. It's been disappointing because in the last few months, I have been positive and hopeful. I started going to therapy and I feel like that has been so good for me. I started a job search, that I never thought I would get the ball rolling with. I have found places that bring me a joy that I've needed (thank you my cycle family). I've gone out with friends and I've traveled a bit. This is what you'll see on my Instagram.
Here's what you won't see:
The disappointment feeling of not hearing back from an employer.
The panic attack of not knowing what I'm doing or where I'm going.
The worried feeling of being stuck when I know there has to be something more.
Crying myself to sleep because I can't seem to understand why I haven't found a mutual connection with someone (I'm a catch lol).
A feeling of jealousy when I watch my friends in amazing relationships and comfortable careers.
That last one was really hard to type because my friends are everything to me and I adore them. I have never felt more pride and joy for my people when I see and hear the amazing things that are happening to them. But I'd be lying if there wasn't always a part of me that thought, why not me..
It is so incredibly disheartening when you are on a consistent high only to take 10 steps back. For me, it was all of the things that I've been doing and how I've been so proactive about the things that haven't been going well. Here I am though. Burned out. Wondering when I am going to see some results. Here's the slump.
If you are anything like me, it is extremely difficult to find your way out of a slump. I am a feelings bottler extraordinare and a top tier people pleaser. Realest talk ever, if I'm going through it, you probably won't know about it. My job working with kids has allowed me to learn how to mask my emotions and make other people my priority. When I am on the podium at my cycling studio, I have learned how to unmask a bit, but from time to time I do find myself putting on a show to help others escape their slump.
So now what?
That's a great question. I don't know. One thing about me is I am driven. I'll get up every morning and make my bed. I'll show up even when I don't want to. It's who I am. I put in relentless hard work in everything I do and I know some way, somehow everything is going to be exactly how it's supposed to. The point of me writing this piece is not to have a miraculous ending that I figured it all out and I know how to get out of the slump. The truth is, you just push your way through it and you're stronger for it. It's not pretty, it's not fun, but we do it because we can and in a way we have no other choice. Am I nervous? Do I have doubts? Hell yeah I do. But at the end of the day, I know I'm going to make it through. The slump that no one talks about. I'm in it. I feel it. I'll get out of it, but I'll be 100% honest about it and let myself own it.
We're a work in progress team! If you're going through a slump, please know you are never alone.
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