I am about to dive into a little topic I like to call, "Do I like them or do I just like the attention?" This may or may not hit you directly in the feels and if it does, sorry not sorry.
I'll start by explaining my dating history. I have had several failed relationship attempts in the last few years, in the sense that we make it a few months and then something goes south. There's the infamous college heartbreak where I was emotionally attached to this man even though I knew he would never commit to me. Another time, the "relationship" fizzled to a point where he only reached out to me when it was convenient for him. Then there was the post college attempt at Hinge. We were seeing each other for two months when he tried to ghost me. When I called him out for it, he told me he just wasn't ready for a relationship. This was fine until two weeks later I ran into him at a bar and he approached me with his new girlfriend. Classic. On the opposite end, I have also met some really amazing, genuine guys in the last few years. For these short lived dating experiences, they have just fallen flat. Don't get me wrong, of course I want to date someone who is kind and into me, but I also would rather be single, than be dating someone that I'm just "so so" about. I don't know about you guys, but I want to be so in love with the person that I end up with. I have had a really difficult time accepting that I am just in it for the attention with some experiences. Part of it comes from the fact that I have been through the ringer and really want to date someone who is kind. Another part of it comes from guilt. I don't like to make waves and I don't want to be the reason that someone gets upset. Sometimes having a big heart can be so incredibly harmful. My readers, my big heart girlies, I am you and you are me. But, that's a blog for another day.
If you are feeling confused about whether you really like someone or if you just are craving attention, I am going to give you a list of how I know if I really like someone versus I like the attention. Hope this helps. If not, slay your day and carry on.
"I like like him"
You are genuinely excited to make plans with him. I know this seems pretty self-explanatory, but I am at a point in my life where I cherish my free time.
He is talking about future events and including you and you feel calm. For example, if a guy is trying to make valentine's plans with you and it doesn't freak you out, you're in the clear babe (speaking from experience with the opposite feelings oops).
Butterflies. Ladies, you know what I am talking about. Personally, I want to look at my partner and be like YES. I depend on this a lot (which was also my downfall in those unfortunate dating experiences that I mentioned previously)
You get excited when he texts or calls you. I have told myself and other people for YEARS that I am not a great texter. The truth is if I want to talk to you, I love texting.
"He's so nice, but I don't think he's my mans"
Before I dive into this section, first and foremost, it is OKAY to feel this way about someone. Dating is hard enough. There is no need to feel guilty about not liking someone as much as they like you. Do not put the pressure on yourself. This is the domain that I found myself in with the last guy I was talking to. It ate at me. It made me sick thinking that this amazing person really wants to pursue me and I just don't feel it? Are you kidding me? It took speaking to my best friend of 19 years to confirm that it's okay. Remember that you don't owe anyone anything and you don't have to ghost someone just because you don't feel the same way.
Now obviously if you are getting icked out by this person or you just don't want to hang out with them at all.. that is a clear sign LOL. However, I am talking about those in between feelings that are more difficult to navigate. Got it? Okay here we go.
You like having plans and you enjoy spending time with this person, but you could go without it.
You don't feel the need to talk to this person everyday.
You feel indifferent.
They are nice and funny, but the butterflies are not butterflying.
You are making your weekend plans and they don't really come to your mind as any type of priority.
You would rather spend your time with someone else.
For me, I am a social being. To be honest, you could put me in a room with anyone and I will make the best of it. I love getting to know new people. For these reasons, it is really difficult for me to answer this question: Do I like them or do I just like the attention? That being said, I've gotten to know myself in the last few years and now it's a bit easier for me to figure it out. The part I'm still learning is trying to be okay with meeting an amazing person and deciding they are not for me. At the end of the day, it's a feeling. My goal is to normalize the fact that whether you are head over heels for this person or are deciding to go your separate ways, these are both OKAY. Let yourself feel your feelings and lean in. Your gut feeling is never wrong.
Life goes on. Keep dating. Keep trying. Keep failing. Most of all, keep getting back up and doing your thing.
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